The name of a band is just way that bands can put their creativity on display. An animal may not be the most creative name a band can choose, but the familiarity of the animal makes it easier for listeners to remember the name. After all, it is much easier to remember and search for something like, say “Seal,” than something like “Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts” (the name of Russell Crowe’s band, by the way, for anyone willing to travel down that rabbit hole).
When a band names itself after an animal, though, it should mean something more than it seems to. So, today, I am calling out, or congratulating, those bands who have taken their namesake after an animal.
For this list, I will not be ranking these bands on their ability or their success. Rather, I will rank them on the following criteria:
- Does the band share similar characteristics to their namesake animal?
- Would the band be one that its namesake animal community would actually sit around listening to?
Before I start, I need to go ahead and disqualify a few bands:
First, The Beatles are not named after the beetle; rather, the band chose the name as a musical pun. Well done, Lennon and co.! You are #1 in my heart, but you do not qualify for this exclusive list.
Second, I am disqualifying White Snake from this list, because the band was famously named after the lead singer’s penis.
Last, I’m going out on a limb to claim that the Monkees were not a real band. They started out as a TV show creation and were almost a carbon copy of The Beatles. I know that they were eventually given more freedom to play their own instruments and write their own songs, but where the show band ended and the real band took over is a conversation for another day; hence, they will not be considered for inclusion here.
Here, now, is the definitive ranking:
#100: The Bloodhound Gang
The bloodhound is a friendly, intelligent, energetic dog, yet it is also rather somber, stubborn and even contrarian. Also important to note is that bloodhounds are quite sensitive to sound. This is relevant because, for those of you who don’t recall The Bloodhound Gang (and here’s a link to their one “hits” if you dare!), they are what you get if you took half the humor of Psychostick, half the self-earnestness of Limp Bizkit, and half the wordplay talent of ICP and shoved them into a blender. As a result, The Bloodhound Gang’s cacophony of sounds and nonsensical lyrics from track to track can test the patience of all listeners, not just dogs, but humans, too. Bloodhounds would surely, upon hearing this catastrophic explosion of noise, run for the hills, howling all the way. Best really for all of us to avoid.
SKIP A FEW….
#10: Seal
I fear that Seal’s catchy, looping dance beats and smooth voice would be a bit too complex for seals, who seem to enjoy only horns, monotone honking and howls, and sunbathing on the rocks. Not a great match. Now, if Seal (real name Henry Olusegun Adeola Samuel) had named himself something more appropriate, like, say, Quokka, his ranking would be much higher.
#9: Grizzly Bear
The band Grizzly Bear is well-regarded within indie-rock circles for its creativity and its psychedelic, laid back vibes. The members seem like genuine, friendly people. The actual grizzly bear, on the other hand, is ferocious, lives in isolation after reaching adulthood, and is fiercely survivalist. When I listen to Grizzly Bear myself, I certainly don’t feel like fighting, hunting, or scratching myself against a tree. I feel like taking a good nap instead. If I could have recommended a better animal name for the group, I would instead suggest Jackrabbit (because I certainly feel cozy in their warm grooves, like a rabbit would hanging out under desert shrubbery in the early morning).
#8: Band of Horses
I dare you to listen to those guitar and lyrical flourishes made by Band of Horses in such singles as “The First Song” or “In a Drawer,” and tell me that these songs wouldn’t sound even better while riding on a horse, trotting along a shoreline. No? Than perhaps the percussive rhythms of “Casual Party” or “Is There a Ghost” can persuade you. Band of Horses is an underrated group of performers, and perhaps without such a fun animal name, they may be even lesser known.
That said, I still find it a band more fitting for a mid-size pack animal like, say, a wolf (“Pack of Wolves” would be a great band name, by the way!), rather than a horse, who likely prefers galloping through wide open prairies to a band with more jam like Crazy Horse; more folk, like Union Station; or more metal, like Iron Maiden, than to a mid-tempo alternative sound like Band of Horses.
#7: Fleet Foxes
Like Band of Horses above, Fleet Foxes fit neatly into the ever-burgeoning indie-folk scene, though Fleet Foxes enjoy a slightly higher profile and picked an animal more suitable for its name. Songs like “Ragged Wood,” “The Cascades,” and their more recent “Wading in Waist-High Water” was seemingly made with a curious, swift, furry little fox adventure in mind. Still, foxes likely prefer the sound of a cool breeze flitting through the tall grasses to any guitar, however wispy it might be.
#6: Swans
Now we are getting to the better-suited matches between animal and man!
Sure, the swan (the bird) may seem majestic, but it is an aggressive, foul-tempered, and strong animal, particularly dangerous with its beak and wings.
In fact, swans are pretty much third on the list of birds you should just stay away from, ranked (in my mind) just below pelicans and ostriches.
Anyone who hasn’t heard of Swans the band may simply pass them by or assume they are some electro-pop group from Sweden. Alas, they could not be more wrong. This glorious sludge/industrial/post-punk/post-rock/experimental band has been rocking out since the early ’80s, and have gone through many evolutions of their sound over the years. What hasn’t changed, however, is the aggression packed into every lyric, into every bass line, and into every pluck of a guitar string. If Tom Waits, Nick Cave, Iggy Pop, and Les Claypool ever decided to collaborate, Swans would be the result.
Now back to that damn bird: I’m pretty sure that, when one looks into those dark empty eyes of an asshole swan, those swans are playing the opening instrumental line to “Oxygen” on a loop in their heads as they reach out with that beak with the intent of gouging out your eyeballs.
#5: Mastodon
As the long-extinct mastodon enjoyed roaming the rocky, icy landscapes of the Holocene epoch, Mastodon the band enjoys a larger-than-life presence in the contemporary heavy metal/prog-rock landscape. Their riffs are large, the twin howls of Brent Hinds and Brann Dailor larger, and their album themes among the largest and most ambitious of any found in the genre. Surely this ancient, burly, hairy elephant would approve of this sprawling music while gnawing on berries and tall grasses.
#4: The Scorpions
First, when speaking of scorpions, there exists over 2,000 species, 30 or 40 enough poisonous enough to kill a human. The band also has a large number of specimens, with over 24 people being able to claim themselves as members past or present.
Second, like the animal, the band also enjoys an active nocturnal existence. To date, The Scorpions have performed live almost 900 times, and with songs like “Backstage Queen,” “Restless Nights,” and “Tease Me, Please Me” (with memorable lines like “I’ve been around the world/I’ve known a lot of girls” and “”I’ve seen a lot of sights/many crazy nights), it is very clear what they intend to do with those nights after their shows end.
Also, like the animal, which is well-traveled and has species on every continent (except Antarctica), the band, both in its prime and now, are still quite active internationally, bringing that high-octane, quick-strike energy live and have done so on every continent (except, also, Antarctica). No doubt the animal would be proud to have this particular band named after them.
#3: The Gorillaz
It is well-established that gorillas are fiercely competitive and territorial, and adhere to a strict, patriarchal society. However, gorillas are among the most social animals in the animal kingdom as well; they enjoy most interactions with each other. They play games, display teamwork, and overall, must trust and rely on other members of their family group in order to survive.
Damon Albarn, creative mind behind The Gorillaz, is also extremely social and collaborative, working with such luminaries as Danger Mouse, Lou Reed, Snoop Dogg, Bobby Womack, and even Bruce Willis, among so many others. Through these partnerships, in each album, The Gorillaz explore various genres, just as gorillas roam through the highland jungles of central Africa.
Famed gorilla Koko learned to play the recorder, harmonica, and various wind instruments, in addition to American Sign Language. I am confident that, given its varied sounds from album to album, and Albarn’s embrace of instruments far and wide, Koko and other gorillas would approve. Perhaps, instead of animating gorillas to dance in his videos, Albarn should collaborate with a family of real silverbacks to make some beautiful music together.
#2: Ratt
Ratt stands proud among the best (or worst) of bands enjoying every greasy, coked-up, sexed-out excess of the ‘80s in all its glory; nary a motlier crew could be found among the bands of the may-it-never-be-forgotten genre of “hair metal.”
Similarly, rats could be considered the most metal of the animals of the order “rodentia.” They will eat or drink anything, including other rats (interesting fact: rats don’t get drunk); and they enjoy sex. One pair of rats alone could produce up to half a billion descendants in a three-year span. Lives of excess, indeed!
I can absolutely picture a large family of rats sitting around in the sewers, eating the remains of stale peanuts, drinking leftover rice wine and thrown-out PBR, and playing cards while listening to Ratt. This is almost a perfect union of band and animal, except there is one even better fit:
#1: The Eagles
A perfect match if ever there were one. Since the Eagles didn’t exactly state which specific eagle they preferred, I will assume it is the bald eagle, the rock star of the the familia Accipitrida and the symbol of freedom and the American southwest (even if most bald eagles live in Alaska and Canada), matched with a band equally popular and, well, American. Also, like the bald eagle, the band was, for a time, on the verge of extinction itself when they broke up in 1980. Their Endangered status lasted 14 years, when, to great anticipation, they finally released their reunion “Hell Freezes Over” in 1994, at approximately the same time that bald eagle populations began to increase again. Mere coincidence?
Also, bonus points awarded for Don Henley’s advocacy for preserving wildlife spaces with his time and money. Long live the Eagles (both of them).
